Test Wiki Please Ignore

A corp of High sec Wardecers. Their leader, Nertzius, posted on Reddit offering to accept our surrender.

“I am Nertzius one of the leaders of Everto Rex Regis. You will be pleased to know that because of the success of the war we have decided to renew you for another week. Consider this an upvote of a particularly special kind. We would also like to thank you for your move towards Torrinos. It has made finding your pilots much easier.

As of the writing of this message we have killed 130 of your pilots ships inflicting approximately 7.3 billion ISK in damage while taking only 8 losses for 240 million ISK in damage. We have also killed 78 of your pilots pods inflicting untold damage to implants and we suspect some skillpoint damage while suffering 0 pod losses ourselves.

We are willing to discuss your surrender terms at your leisure. Typical surrender terms usually include a payment of some kind. We leave it to your imaginations to come up with terms which would be acceptable. Our first requirement however, is that this post be allowed to appear in /r/evedreddit. I don't really care if it gets downvoted, but it's difficult to have a productive discussion with the moderators alone. We look forward to reading your proposals.

In an interesting sidelight I would love to know what's up with your cannibalism: http://killedby.dredd.it/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=15463

It's just fine if you want to call me primary if you should decide to fight. Our fleets will fight on quite effectively should I be removed from the battlefield as I am not usually the fleet commander.”

tl;dr:

Nertzius' hand slowly twirled the tiny black hairs surrounding his distended stomach. Everto Rex Regis' efficiency rating in their ongoing campaign against Test Alliance, those self-outed queer attention whores from nullsec, was so high it made him light headed.

“Almost 97%” he whispered to himself as the thumb and forefinger of his right hand slowly began tweaking his right nipple.

“Please, oh please,” he thought to himself, “I can't get hard if it isn't 97%.”

Just last night, in an unbelievable turn of events, a blob of TESTies were seen venturing into high security space, leaving their nullsec safety nets for the dangerous, outlaw life of high security space. A real chance to balloon their efficiency rating and his patient, half aroused cock, towards epicness.

“We're so close” Nertzius' whispered. He was careful not to let his hands, which sometimes had a mind of their own, begin the pleasurable journey down to his belt buckle. Everto Rex Regis' had not yet earned release for this great leader. Cursed is he, so enamored with the performance of his corpmates, that only their glorious courage in the face of high sec dangers could bring his sex to life.

“I must find a way.” Thoughts began spinning around in his mind, “They must fight us; my manhood must be released.”

His breath shuddered slightly as his hands caressed the back of his head and hair. His mouth was dry in anticipation for the furious wanking to come. It had been so long, he could almost taste the pleasure their destruction would bring him.

“I will goad them into fighting us in losing battles by demanding their immediate surrender, but offer merciful terms. They are proud, too proud to accept, and will surely redouble their efforts to prove their dominance.”

Nertzius was so excited as he opened his internet browser and navigated to a public forum with which to lure his enemies into his web of masturbatory pleasure, that his anus leaked a little, dispersing a putrid musky smell around our hero.

“I will post on Reddit, their home away from home! They will not be able to resist.”

As he completed his missive, he shakily clicked on the submit button and exhaled. It was done, and victory would be his. He would finally be able to spread his manseed all over his loving, hardworking corpmates. Their hard bodies and long hair groping for more of his milky white essence. Nertzius, so excited by these goings on, failed to control his hands, which were furiously disrobing his lower half. Violently they tried to bring his manhood to life. After minutes of frustrated pulling and tugging Nertzius collapsed in his chair, unfulfilled. Near tears, exhausted, frustrated, he hit refresh on his browser window - specifically left on their killboard, showing their progress in the TEST campaign. As the page began its reload, his exhausted anticipation began rebuilding. However, today was not to be his day of release, as the white characters mocking reported back to him: 96.94%

PS. You're a wanker. -StillplayingmyNES on Reddit (Kassahd in game)